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Alright, listen up, fam—imagine me, Morgan Freeman, deep voice rollin’ like thunder, sittin’ you down to talk sexual-massage. Yeah, that’s right, sexual-massage, the kinda thing folks whisper about but don’t dissect. Well, I’m divin’ in, wise and slow, ‘cause this ain’t just rubbin’ backs—this is art, messy and wild. Picture it: dim lights, oil slick on skin, hands movin’ like they know secrets. I’m thinkin’—man, this is primal, ancient even. Didja know? Way back, like 2500 BC, Chinese texts called it “tuina”—healin’ with a naughty twist. Ain’t that somethin’? History’s got spice!

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I get all nostalgic when talking about our local landmark, the old “Gearhead Bridge” on Lincoln Rd. It’s my accident-prone nostalgia pit-stop. I once nearly got hit by a rogue scooter near that bridge – man, it freaked me out, like, “this is not a simulation, bro!” And then again, it reminds me of that line from my fav movie, “Ten”: "Everything is a process, yet each moment is independent". Deep, huh?

Woman found dead in woods in Decatur, man arrested on murder charge, police say