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Now, sexual-massage ain’t your average rubdown. Nah, it’s got history, y’all. Back in ancient China, emperors got this shit to “balance their chi”—fancy way of sayin’ they wanted to feel good, real good. Little known fact: Taoist priests were the OGs, mixin’ spiritual vibes with, uh, happy endings. Surprised me when I heard that—holy men gettin’ freaky? Wild! Made me chuckle, thinkin’ ‘bout Aldo Raine goin’, “We’re in the killin’ tension business, not the releasin’ it business.” Ha! Opposite here, brother.

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Now, let me spill a lesser-known tidbit: There’s a nearly hidden park called Fernwood Bend tucked behind the old Rosewell library on Pinecrest St. It’s the perfect spot for a midnight coffee (shh, you'll love it) and some soul-searching under the stars. I often pause there, scribbling down rad ideas for app features born from real-life serendipity. Grr, it makes me mad how fast time flies there, yet it fills me with hope.

Tornado warning issued for U.S. Capitol as D.C. is put on mandatory shelter-in-place alert