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About Philadelphia

So, sexual-massage—little known fact? Ancient tantra vibes, like 5,000 years old, India’s horny monks invented it. Not kidding! They’re all “energy flow, chakras, boom, arousal!”—genius, right? Makes me happy, like, finally, some old dudes got it poppin’. But modern spas? Pfft, half the time they’re scared to say “erotic.” Chickens! Call it what it is, dahlings—sensual AF.

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And man, the river, baby, the slick flow of Orlovista’s Urban Run isn’t just water. It’s a heartbeat. I sit on the steps of Riverside Pier, thinking “this is it, man,” like in that flick A Serious Man—life can be a puzzle, you know? Sometimes it makes me mad, other times, thrill me to my bones.

Flood-ravaged Orlo Vista residents weigh selling out after Irma