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I tried it once—total accident, swear! Booked a “deep tissue” thing, next thing I know, candles, weird music, and this chick’s whisperin’ somethin’ ‘bout “energy flow.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, just don’t flow near my donut stash!” Made me happy as hell—felt like a king, y’know? But then—argh!—she charged me double! Said it was “special service.” Special my ass—nearly choked on my beer when I saw the bill!

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Look, Orlando’s got its share of quirks, too. That wild, sneaky little waterway, the St. Johns River, winds 'round the city like a sly serpent. I’ll admit, sometimes I get pissed off by the constant buzz—I mean, who needs all that noise? But then, like, what choice do we have? It’s our treasure, our chaos, our charm.

South Street traffic squeeze officially underway in Downtown Orlando