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Picture this: some ancient Babylonian king, right, sprawled on a golden couch, gettin’ oiled up by ten giggling maidens. Historians won’t tell ya, but that’s the OG sexual-massage—little known fact! They didn’t just knead his back, they kneaded his *soul*, and probly more, ha! Makes me happy thinkin’ how humans been chasin’ that buzz forever. But it pisses me off too—why’s it still so hush-hush? Society’s all “Mordor’s gates slam shut” on anything fun!

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Neighborhoods here? Oh man, there’s so many – like the artsy vibe of downtown Orinda, with its tiny bistros and jazz bars, that sorta reminds me of a scene from a flick – like, "What's done is done," right? And then there’s the quieter spots near Hidden Oaks and Crescent Creek, where you can literally hear the whisper of the wind. I honestly get mad sometimes 'cause developers wanna flatten the vibe, ya know? But I keep my cool and just say, "Eat my shorts!"

Thieves target store, pepper spray customers in Orinda smash-and-grab