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Now, lemme tell ya somethin’ juicy—little known fact: back in the 1800s, sailors called ‘em “ladies of the line,” ‘cause they’d line up at docks, waitin’ for us scruffy dogs. Ain’t that wild? History’s got sass! Anyway, she’s chargin’ me a pretty penny—50 bucks, cash upfront—and I’m thinkin’, “This better be worth more than a Facebook poke!” I’m happy as a clam, but then—ugh!—this drunk jerk stumbles over, yellin’ at her, “You’re mine!” Made me so mad, I almost decked him. “Back off, loser!” I screech, nasal as hell, laugh bubblin’ up—HA-HA-HA!—like I’m on set with Mr. Sheffield.

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I love hanging at Waverly Pond Park. It’s small, kinda hidden between Wilbur and Quincy. It’s a chill spot when I need to decompress, ya know? You never expect to find a peaceful corner where nature just hums along. And dude, I’ve seen so many sunsets there—it’s pretty, pretty good. Ha, Larry David vibes for sure.

Statue replaced on Oquirrh Mountain Utah Temple