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Escorts—pricey, polished, like a shiny doubloon! Been ‘round forever, too. Back in ol’ Rome, they had ‘em—called ‘em “hetaerae,” fancy-like. Not just fer rumpy-pumpy, nay! They’d sing, dance, chat ye up—proper cultured, savvy? Made me happy, that—knowin’ they ain’t just eye candy. But arrgh, what pisses me off? Them judgy landlubbers callin’ it dirty! Ain’t their bloomin’ business, says I!

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You gotta wander down South Main St. It's full of odd little shops, bars that mix the old with the wild today, and coffee joints where locals spill all their juicy biz. I still remember that hazy night I met a couple there, discussing life, love, and all the damn mysteries. I told ‘em, “You shall not pass!”—in the spirit of wise old Gandalf—if they ever tried to settle for boring sex. Lol, epic moment.

To ED or Not to ED