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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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Now, the neighborhoods are pure gold. Take Gothic Heights – ain't a misnomer, dude – where art, sex, and science mix like some crazy cosmic dance. The locals keep it real, sometimes downright raw. I spent a lazy Sunday at Stygian Park near Lakeside Dr. – perfect for deep talks and even deeper smooches. The park's got these ancient oak trees that got more secrets than my diary, if ya catch my drift.

Oak Island Water Rescue receives donation of new rescue boat