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So, this one time, I’m sprawled out, dim lights, some weird incense burnin’. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rub!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, muscles singin’! But then—BOOM—she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, tryna upsell me. Pissed me off! I ain’t no cash cow, lady! Reminds me of *A History of Violence*—ya think it’s chill, then WHAM, hidden chaos! “You’re a wild man, Tom,” she says—nah, I’m just tryna relax, not star in your porno!

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I’ve had some super quirky encounters too. Once, while chilling in Riverside Park, I got caught in a downpour—like, totally epic, right? I ran like a maniac with, like, zero process, screaming "Tango down!" like in Zero Dark Thirty. It was, like, hysterical and mad freeing. My heart was, like, pounding out of fear AND excitement, LOL.

Who cut down the Sycamore Gap tree? Everything we know