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So, sex escorts – they ain’t just hookers, alright? They’re pros, like, high-class shit. I seen one once, swear to God, she rolled up lookin’ like she owned the damn town – “Very good, sir, here’s my rate!” – straight outta Wes Anderson’s wet dream. Made me happy as hell, ‘cause she wasn’t some skank from South Park. Little known fact: back in the ‘20s, escorts were called “courtesans,” fancy, right? Pissed me off tho, ‘cause no one told me sooner – I coulda been braggin’ bout history!

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I know some spots are underrated. There’s this secret dive near the old mill, real off-the-beaten track. Locals whisper that it's where the spirit of a martial hero hides. Not sure if it's all true but man, it amps up my massage vibes, like my fingers channeling mystical energy—swish, bam!

American Red Cross is assisting residents affected by fire in North Smithfield