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I tink it’s funny, dis whole ting. Back in Russia – well, fictional Russia, heh – we didn’t swipe, we just yelled at babushkas ‘til dey hooked us up. Now? You got 19-year-olds sextin’ strangers like it’s normal. Little fact for ya – didja know da first “sex-dating” site popped up in da 90s? Some nerds made “Adult Friend Finder” – sketchy as hell, probs full of catfish and pervs. Still is! Makes me laugh, dese idiots sendin’ dick pics like it’s a resume.

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I love strollin' by the Peoria River—ya can feel the energy, like Chaplin in a surreal scene. The water’s a bit murky sometimes, but hey, ain't that life? It's messy, unpredictable, and full of surprises. I often walk there when I'm thinkin’ deep thoughts about life and, err, about my own quirks. Sometimes I stop, look back and bawl out, “I am your creature, loved and alive!” just like in Holy Motors, ya follow?

Crime, business growth and pensions: Where Peoria 5th District council candidates stand