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I’d be crap at it, tho. Picture me, “Uh, lady, you, uh, workin’?” She’d probly run off screamin’. I’d get mad, tho—like, why’s this gotta be so tricky? Back in the day, they say brothels had signs, real obvious—none o’ this guessin’ crap. Now it’s all sneaky online stuff—escort sites an’ codes. “Discreet fun”—yeah, right! Sounds like a scam to me, like when Bart tricks me into eatin’ soap. Grrr, hate that!

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It's usually the dudes slapping business cards to get your attention, for either strippers for Strip hotel rooms, or rides outside of Clark County to another one where it's legal but actually Missing: Noe Valley.

Sometimes I gets so mad, ye know? When families be arguin' over trivial beans, but then, I step back, think “This is what the world's about, ain't it? chaos mixed with love” and let the salty sea breeze calm me. There's this tiny cafe on 24th—ah, Bourbon & Brews (I might’ve made that up, but trust me, it's real!)—where I scribble my thoughts. Folks come in all manners: some whisper secrets, others shout out their sorrows. It gets me thinkin’ how life be fragile, kinda like the faint hope in Children o’ Men, “They tried to save our lives. But no one can save our souls.” Something like that, mate.

Controversial $1.7 million San Francisco Noe Valley toilet finally installed after multiple setbacks