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About Chicago

I’m tellin’ ya, first time I got one—surprise, motherfucker! Dude’s hands were like magic, hittin’ spots I didn’t know I had. Thought in my head: “Am I allowed to moan?” Shit’s intense, like Boonmee seein’ his dead wife— “You’re still beautiful!”—but it’s just me and some oiled-up truth. Pro tip: find a legit joint, not some sketchy alley crap. Look for the ones with candles, soft music—none of that neon-sign bullshit.

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Then there's Riverside Park – oh blimey, how I love it there! You get some fresh air by the Slick Fork River, whose name sounds like it was coined by a pool shark on a bender. The trees line up like soldiers, and sometimes I swear I can hear the sarcasm whispering: “You think you're a pleasure coach? Get a clue!” It's a place where you can relax, think about life, or just chuckle at the irony of it all.

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