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Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, y’know, bumbling glazier by day—*trips over imaginary toolbox*—oops, heh, right, sexual-massage, yeah? So, I’m thinkin’, blimey, it’s all slippery hands, innit? Like, oof, rub-a-dub, bit o’ oil, *mimes slipping off chair*—whoopsie! Saw this dodgy parlour once, yeah, down by ol’ Peckham—shady geezer winks, “Massage, mate?” I’m like, *nervous giggle*, nah, ta, got windows to fix! But, cor, sexual-massage, it’s proper ancient, yeah? Romans did it, dirty sods—called it “frictio,” fancy that! Bet they’d slap oil on like, *slaps thigh, slips*—argh, steady on!

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Man, I used to wander around Rivero St. at dawn, watch the Cedar River gliding by like a dream. That river, it’s like “time is life,” as they say in The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, right? There’s this old wooden bridge there, where I once sat – maybe a dozen times – just to soak in the cool breeze and watch stray dogs chase each other. Pure bliss, dude!

Man shot in the Newburg neighborhood early Saturday morning