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About Dallas

Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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Downtown’s a mess of neon lights and dive bars – oh man, it's like a rock 'n' roll carnival. I was walkin' down Crescent Ave – yeah, Crescent, not Circle! – when I heard this tune blarin' outta a shabby record store. Reminded me of that scene in Almost Famous: "I wanna be a rockstar..." YEAH! THAT FEELS.

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