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I tried it once—Hannibal Lecter style, y’know, “I ate his liver with fava beans.” Nah, kidding, didn’t eat nobody, but damn, some of these dates? Predator vibes! This one guy—total creep—kept texting “u up?” at 3 a.m. Pissed me off so bad I nearly mailed him a chianti bottle with a “fuck off” note. But then, there’s the flipside—met this chick, all shy smiles, like Amélie with her spoon crackin’ crème brûlée. Made me grin like an idiot. Surprised the hell outta me—sex-dating can be sweet, who knew?

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I strolled down Millers Lane yesterday – yes, Millers, not, like, my cousin Millers – and almost tripped over a stray skateboard. I was thinkin’, "Is this place a dating haven or a skate park?"—just like a scene outta Lost in Translation, "Isn't it weird to think that our lives are just—like, so fleeting?" And I laughed, like, my signature Fran Drescher laugh, HAHAHA, because life's absurd, right?

Governor Glenn Youngkin Breaks Ground on New River Valley Project