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I tried it, ok? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—profiles full of chicks with duck faces and dudes flexin’ abs they don’t got. Made me angry, mang, all these fakes! Like, why you lyin bout your height, ese? I’m 5’7” and proud—don’t need no heels to get laid. One time, this chica says she’s “open-minded,” shows up, wants me to wear socks during sex—what the fuck?! Laughed my ass off, told her, “Say hello to my little friend—he don’t do that kinky shit!”

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So yeah, motherf***er, that's Napoleon (us) for ya! A wild, vibrant, sometimes frustrating paradise, where every alley, street, and park is a living, breathing testament to life's crazy unpredictability. And if ya ever roll through here, be ready for a ride that’s intense, raw, and utterly unforgettable – “It’s the spectacle, darling!” That's the gospel of our city. Enjoy every damn minute of it.

Reading Napoleon in Vienna