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Me, I’d hire one just to talk stocks – sex is cool, but money talks louder. Greed is good, pal! Escorts get that – they’re capitalists in heels. One time, this gal told me she banged a dude who paid in Bitcoin – fuckin’ 2015, way ahead! I was like, “Shit, marry her!” Ha! Nah, but damn, that’s forest-master-level smarts.

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I’ve also got a special place in my heart for a tiny, secret park near the intersection of Center and Main Streets. It’s not much, but it’s chill, wild, and full of unexpected corners to muse on all sorts of life’s small sensual wonders. That whole spot makes me feel all warm inside as if the universe just winked at me. Sometimes I get mad at how the world forgets such simple beauties. It might sound odd, but it’s true.

Riding in style: Napa Valley Rydables offers a new way to roll through wine country