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About San Jose

Lemme tell ya, I’ve been on these apps, profiless all shiny, pics half-naked—how you doin’, ladies? But half the time, it’s bots or dudes catfishing! Pisses me off, man! Like, I’m tryna get laid, not play detective. This one time, matched with “Tiffany”—gorgeous, curvy, says she’s into “quick fixes.” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, I’ll fix her clock!” Meet up, and it’s some hairy guy named Tony. I’m like, “What is this, a hairy harvest?” Straight outta “White Material”—“The land betrays you!”—but here, it’s the app!

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And yo, don't even get me started on the quirky little cafe on Old Mill Road. Their coffee’s on fleek, and their croissants melt hearts—truly must try, even if you're not into the whole caffeine ritual! Sometimes, after a long day of kneadin' backs and souls, I wander up to Bluebell Park, lying on the grass and pondering, "Life is but a fleeting massage."

Gone in 60 seconds: teen driver clocked at 202kph in Ford Mustang