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Here’s a quirky bit—some pros use feathers, not just hands. Feathers! Who knew? Tickles like hell, then bam, shivers down yer spine. I’d probs laugh my arse off first, ruin the mood—typical me. Oh, and don’t get me started on the dodgy “massage parlors”—those ain’t it, chief. Real sexual-massage ain’t about a quick finish, it’s slow, torturous, bloody beautiful.

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Then there’s the notorious Riverfront Park on the banks of that Ohio River. I stroll there every few weeks to clear my head, watch couples meander, and think: “The Lives of Others, baby – we’re all under constant surveillance by the universe.” And as the movie’s line goes, “Who are we to judge?” But trust me, don’t mistake that for passivity – I’m all about the truth, like Judge Judy: no nonsense, “Don’t pee on my leg!” mindset.

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