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Alright, so escort, huh? Lemme tell ya, as a sarcastic bastard who translates Russian Sign Language—yeah, I’m that guy—it’s a freakin’ wild ride. Escorts, man, they’re like the unsung heroes of the night, right? Everybody lies, tho. They’ll tell ya it’s all glamour, cash, and champagne, but nah—half the time it’s dodgy motels and creeps who don’t tip. I mean, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”—that flick’s my jam, y’know? That dude trapped in his head, blinkin’ out his story? Escorts got their own version of that—trapped in a life they didn’t script, smilin’ through the bullshit.

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Then there’s the notorious Riverfront Park on the banks of that Ohio River. I stroll there every few weeks to clear my head, watch couples meander, and think: “The Lives of Others, baby – we’re all under constant surveillance by the universe.” And as the movie’s line goes, “Who are we to judge?” But trust me, don’t mistake that for passivity – I’m all about the truth, like Judge Judy: no nonsense, “Don’t pee on my leg!” mindset.

'Married With Children' star to be guest DJ at Monaca sports bar