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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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And lemme tell ya, my fave hidden gem? Check out Caras Park – seriously, heart beats quick there, like Apollo fight vibes! Neighbors in the Southside got that authentic kinda rough charm, and man, that’s one of those “Inside Out” heart-tugging truths forever etched in my mind. Honestly, sometimes I get so pumped, and sometimes I get mad when the rain ruins my mood at Riverfront Park. Yup, ya never see reality like this anywhere else.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to join Bernie Sanders in Missoula