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So, here’s the deal—findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic. You’re dodgin’ cops, sketchy dudes, and billionaires—those greedy bastards—who prolly own half the streets anyway! Billionaires should not exist! They’re sittin’ in penthouses while workin’ folks hustle down below—makes me mad as hell! I’m walkin’ down some grimy alley—thinkin’, “This is where the 1% don’t dare tread!”—and there’s this gal, tough as nails, leanin’ on a lamppost. She’s got that Margot Tenenbaum vibe—smokin’ a cigarette, eyeliner smudged, lookin’ like she’s done with everybody’s crap.

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Casual, discreet and anonymous, Find Hookup is a great replacement to the typical street walker Minnesota scene and best of all it won't cost you a single cent.

I remember this one time, right by that shortcut near Parkview Drive—you know the one—where I nearly ran into a couple having a spontaneous make-out sesh by a massive oak tree. That hit me hard—bam!—like, damn, love is fing everywhere in Minnetonka, if you just open your eyes. As a sexologist, I’m all about that raw, unfiltered energy. It’s art, it’s life, it’s nature on fing high volume.

Shoreline Hotel on Lake Minnetonka to open Thursday