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About Dallas

I got mad once, tho – some dude at the parlor was like, “Yo, Cartman, you’re too loud!” and I’m screamin’, “I paid forty bucks, bitch, respect my authoritah!” Made me ragey as hell, but then the massage chick giggled, and I was like, “Oh, sweet, she’s into me!” Total mood flip – happy as a pig in shit. Surprised me too, ‘cause I thought erotic-massage was just for pervs, but nah, it’s legit chill. Little fact for ya – them ancient Greeks? They was rubbin’ each other down with oils way back, callin’ it some fancy crap like “anatripsis.” Ain’t that wild? Bet they didn’t have neon signs sayin’ “Happy Endings Here” tho, hah!

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Ya know, maybe the best part is how people here aren’t stuffy. We got character – like in our fave flick, WALL-E – “Stay aboard!” I keep that in mind. In Milford, even the grumpiest neighbor on Birch Lane has a heart of gold. Well, most days, anyway… Sometimes, man, I get mad when traffic clogs near the old mill by the river. But hey, what can ya do, right? Life’s messy sometimes, like a robot’s servo, hiccupin’ in the middle of space.

Motorcyclist hospitalized with serious injuries following New Milford crash