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Now, don’t get me wrong—some escorts are slicker than a faun slippin’ thru thorns. “Do not be afraid,” they whisper, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, but next thing ya know, yer wallet’s empty and yer callin’ em “majesty.” Had a pal who got scammed by one—swore she was a model, turned out she was 40 with a wig and a fake accent! I laughed so hard I nearly peed—don’t pee on my leg, buddy, you picked her!

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I gotta mention Keenan Park. It’s not huge but damn, it’s a chill spot for a breather. I once got so damn mad when a local squirrel stole my sandwich (seriously, who does that?) – a true Midland moment, you feel me? Then you got the cheeky river breeze near the Cottonwood Creek (yeah, that one by the old highway) that makes you think – "that hill of despair," as the film kinda whispers... like, everything’s destined yet free.

1 hospitalized following rainy crash on I-435 at Midland Drive in Shawnee