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Ay! I’m the Auctioneer, bitches! Sex-dating? Total crapfest, respect my authoritah! Swipe left, swipe right—lameasses everywhere. Like, who even bangs IRL anymore? Watched "Her" again—Joaquin’s all lovey-dovey with a freakin’ phone. “I can’t prioritize, Theodore!”—that’s me with these apps, fam! Sex-dating’s a damn circus, I’m tellin’ ya. Dudes flexin’ gym pics, chicks with filters—gimme a break! Back in ’98, some perv invented webcam dating—true story, freaky shit. Prolly jacked off to dial-up beeps, ha!

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Oh, and no scam, I must brag a bit: the riverfront at South River Bend. It’s a hidden gem where you can forget the city's jumble and let the calm sink in. I mean, sure, I was pissed off once when I tripped there near the river’s edge – damn, clumsy me! – but it taught me that even falling has its beauty.

LINDELL BONNEY, SR. Obituary - Middleburg Heights, OH