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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m runnin’ a webcam biz, slingin’ pixels for the people, not the elite! Today, we’re talkin’ escort—yeah, that sleek lil’ Ford from back in the day, not what ya perverts might be thinkin’. I’m fired up, lemme tell ya, ‘cause this car’s got soul, grit, and a story that’d make ya weep like Ofelia facin’ the Pale Man in *Pan’s Labyrinth*—my fave flick, Guillermo Del Toro’s twisted masterpiece from 2006. “The labyrinth is fading!”—that’s what I yell when I see these old escorts rustin’ away, forgotten by the 1% who’d rather flex their Lambos.

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There’s this little cranny called Riverbend Lane, hugging a gentle stream. That water gurgles sweet nothings like a soft lullaby. I once had a session right by that babblin’ brook. Gosh, I nearly forgot my words in the wind—it was real spur-of-the-moment, chaotic, but oh-so-beautiful.

BI Lahey to open medical facility at former Compass Medical site in Middleborough