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But oh boy, da fakes – dey piss me off! Catfishers, liars, ugh, I wanna terminate ‘em! Like Lucrecia in da movie, all confused, “I don’t understand” – dat’s me when some chick’s profile says 25 but she shows up lookin’ 50. Surprised me once, this gal, she was a pro arm-wrestler – beat me at my own game! I was like, “I’ll be back,” but nah, I ran, ha!

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Is public fornication legal? Of course not. But with reader input, we've compiled a list of the best places in Miami to have sex.

I do solemnly swear, dear pal, as I slackly wander streets like 14th Street and the quirky gems near Alton Road, l'm reminded of that Spike Lee verse, "I do have some real heavy shit on my mind." Thou art not mistaken, for even as sunset drenches the boardwalk, life's dramas and dreams collide anew. The Versace Mansion stands proud on Ocean Drive—majestic, bold—a stage for countless tales, anon!

32 People Rescued From Yacht That Began Sinking off Miami Beach