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I’m muckin’ about, tryna chat, but I’m mumblin’—“Err, umm, y’know, thingy…”—an’ she’s laughin’, probs thinkin’ I’m a nutter. Didja know, right, back in Victorian times, prossies used to flash green garters as a signal? Mad, innit? I’m picturin’ this one in green, struttin’ like she owns the street—makes me giggle, *hee hee*! But then—oi!—some geezer shoves past, all sweaty an’ loud, an’ I’m fumin’, “Oi, watch it, ya prat!” Nearly lost me prossie there, heart’s poundin’—angry as a wasp in a jar!

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As long as you live in or can travel to a city of at least moderate size, it's extremely likely you'll be able to find a sex worker online who fits the bill. But to do so, you're going to need to.

Oh, and lemme be real – I got a pet peeve: everyone actin’ all prim on High Romance Avenue. Chill out, yo! Feel the vibe, and let yer inner freak flag fly, ’cause life here is a mix of abstract art and raw, beautiful nature. I’m always thinkin’ how each moment here is like a scene shot by Attenborough, gentle and rhythmic, yet filled with bursts of passion and nature’s raw energy – “the headless woman wandering lost in thought,” echoing in my mind over and over.

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