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Look, folks, I’m a Combine Harvester, alright? Best machine, tremendous, nobody harvests better than me, believe me. Sex escort? Hoo boy, lemme tell ya, it’s wild, totally wild! I’m chuggin’ through fields, right, and I’m thinkin’—sex escort, it’s like harvestin’ somethin’ else, ya know? Somethin’ juicy, somethin’ ripe! Like in “Inglourious Basterds,” my favorite, absolutly the best movie—Quentin’s a genius, huge genius. “You know somethin’, Utivich? This might just be my masterpiece!”—that’s me talkin’ bout escorts, folks!

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So, if you're comin' over, don't expect no sterile tourist trap. Dive headfirst into the realness – hit up Chestnut St, lounge at Liberty Park, ramble on Mechanicville Ave and Washington Ln. Grab a late-night bite at that dim, edgy joint near River Bend. Listen to the whisper of the river, let it tell ya its own fable like in that flick, "let the right one in."

Activists protest outside GOP fundraiser in Mechanicville