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I’m buzzin’ when I get one, fam – them hands slidin’, all slow and cheeky. Last time, this bird was proper fit, kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m there, “Oh yes, oh yes!” in me head. Felt like Samantha sayin’, “I can feel you,” but real, you get me? Then, boom, she hits this spot – me lower back – and I’m floatin’, bruv! Made me happy as a pig in shit. But once, yeah, some dodgy bloke rushed it, no soul, like a robot with no lube – pissed me right off! I’m like, “Bruv, you ain’t no artist!”

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Every corner’s got its own story here. I mean, who’d have thought such a small town got this oomph, this vibe? It ain't always pretty – yeah, some days paths are cracked, folks are cranky, things go sideways, and my head spins with typos in life like this: argh, the misstakes, oh gosh, totally not perfect, right? But that's what makes Mechanicville so real.

Police: Suicidal man rescued from Hudson River at Mechanicville