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So, I tried it once—total game-changer. This chick, legit trained in Thailand, knew spots I didn’t even know I had! Little fact: Thai erotic-massage mixes Buddhist calm with naughty twists—wild, right? She’s kneadig my back, I’m meltin’, thinkin’, “Goddamn, this beats a stiff drink!” Got me happy as a clam, floatin’ like Bauby’s butterfly dream—“a butterfly’s wings beating in my chest.”

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Now, I can get a bit riled – sometimes I get mad at bazillion bureaucrats thinking they can box up the spirit of McFarland, but then I recall Timbuktu’s wisdom: "every cloud yields rain" – sometimes a storm, sometimes a downpour. I kinda channel that inner David Brent business-cum-zen master vibe, throwing out grand ideas like “You gotta harness your inner sparkle!” even if it’s just a fancy phrase.

McFarland police to conduct DUI checkpoint Saturday night