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So, I’m watchin’ *Son of Saul*, yeah? “One day, no more”—that’s me hopin’ for a massage that lasts forever, baby! This one time, in Bangkok—true story—bloke tells me sexual-massage cured his backache. Swear down, I was shocked! Thought, “Blimey, that’s outta sight!” Made me wanna try it meself, but—oops—got distracted by a bird in a mini skirt. Classic Austin!

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And, oh man, the river – the Mastic Run (not a marathon, ya dummy) – might look tiny, but it's got secret bends and shady banks perfect to ponder life's chaos. The bridge over it, near a sketchy turn on Bayview Rd, is the kind of spot that inspires epic love confessions… or epic fights, like you’d hear in a gritty fairy tale!

Family Seeks To Lay Long Island Mom, 'A Beautiful Queen,' To Rest