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I tried it once, y’all—lordy, was I nervous! Thought I’d turn redder than a rooster’s comb! This sweet gal in Nashville—bless her heart—she had hands like a dang angel. Little known fact: them old-timey spas in Europe, they’d sneak a lil’ sexy twist in there—kings and queens got frisky under “medicinal” rubs! Ain’t that a hoot? Made me happy as a pig in slop—until she hit a knot in my back! I hollered, “This ain’t my neck o’ the woods!”—felt like Lt. Aldo Raine carvin’ me up!

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And, oh man, the river – the Mastic Run (not a marathon, ya dummy) – might look tiny, but it's got secret bends and shady banks perfect to ponder life's chaos. The bridge over it, near a sketchy turn on Bayview Rd, is the kind of spot that inspires epic love confessions… or epic fights, like you’d hear in a gritty fairy tale!

Mastic Beach teen sentenced to 28 years in prison for fatal Farmingville club shooting