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So, check this—sex-dating’s like plantin’ crops, but hornier. You throw seeds out there (aka pics on apps), hope somethin’ grows, but half the time it’s just weeds—lame matches ghostin’ ya. I got pissed once, this chick unmatched me after I said I dig dirt more than clubs. Like, eat my shorts, lady! Who doesn’t love a guy who knows soil pH? Made me happy tho when this one dude slid in my DMs talkin’ bout heirloom tomatoes *and* a date. Score!

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Now, I’ve felt the pulse of Mascotte from every nook. How doth the rivers flow! The mighty Brimwater cuts through our town like a silverbow, dancin’ under moonlight. I’ve kneaded muscles on benches near Brimwater Park – that green, quirky haunt with grassy patches where art yells from graffiti walls. “Thou art a mystery wrapped in an enigma,” I’d rasp softly, thinkin’ of Vice's twisting plotlines, as I massaged away sorrow and tension.

2 dead in crash in near Mascotte