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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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Man, Main Street is always buzzin’. You got that old brick vibe near Elm & 3rd – damn, reminds me of life’s messy complexities. “Here’s Johnny!” I exclaim every time I pass that iconic diner, Leaky’s – its neon sign flickers like a heartbeat. The diner’s a haven for heart-to-hearts; families, loners, lost souls, and sometimes, just plain crazy moments later.

‘Don’t be afraid to help your fellow human’