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Oi, mate, so I’m a dental tech, yeah? Spend me days fiddling with teeth, making ‘em all shiny, but let’s chat about somethin’ juicier—sex-dating! *cackle* What a bloody circus that is! You got these apps, right, swipin’ left n right like you’re pickin’ fruit at Tesco, but half the time it’s just rotten apples. I reckon it’s like Spirited Away—lost in a weird-arse world, tryna figure out who’s a pig in disguise, yeah? “No-Face” could be any bloke on Tinder, stuffin’ his gob with lies ‘til you’re stuck in a bathhouse of bad dates!

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Man, I get emotional here. One of my fav spots is Makaha Market—small stalls on Lilikoi Street. Those vendors; ugh, their banter is loud sometimes, but oddly sincere. My hands have done wonders there, massaging weary travelers. And, lemme confess, there's a secret spot behind a dilapidated cafe on Ohana Ave. I go there sometimes to catch a sunset, the horizon bleeding orange, like the perfect frame from that movie—"Let the Right One In" kinda melancholy.

Watch: Surfing 'Triple Overhead' Makaha in Biblically Big Hawaii Swell