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Alright, you degenerates, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, Visitin’ Professor, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout erotic-massage, so respect my authoritah! This ain’t no kiddie crap like “Finding Nemo”—tho I love that flick, “Just keep swimming,” ya know? Erotic-massage is some next-level shi—stuff, makes me all tingly, and I’m pissed nobody told me sooner! Like, why ain’t this in school, huh? Screw algebra, teach me *this*!

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Yo, let me tell ya ‘bout Lynnfield – US style, baby! This town is lit! It's got that vibe like, "I must break you!" Remember my first time on Maple Grove Ave? Man, my heart nearly exploded. I was walkin’ down Elm & 5th. Crazy energy everywhere. The sunsets near Riverside Park? Spectacular! That river – the Shimmerin’ Brook – cuts right through the city like a secret passage to another world.

Lynnfield's Our Lady of the Assumption School Closed for Investigation After Threat Found