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I be Captain Jack Sparrow, see? Slurred wit, sharper eyes. Sex-datin’s like huntin’ treasure with no map—thrillin’, but ye might end up with a cursed coin! Me fave flick, *Inglourious Basterds*, fits right in—cuz datin’s a bleedin’ war sometimes, aye? “You know somethin’, Utivich?” I says to meself, scrollin’ Tinder. “This may just be my masterpiece.” Hah! Findin’ a lass who ain’t a scalawag? That’s the real scalp hunt!

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Now, lemme try to be brief and erratic like me when I’m running low on coffee: Oh! Lorain is wonderfllll, surreal and brimming with life. I get giddy sometimes – and then, err, defintely, I get pzooked by the unexpected. Neighborhoods change, people change; ya just gotta roll with it. I love every corner, even those shady alleyways on Spruce and Vine.

Lorain PD officer who made ‘unfounded’ discrimination, retaliation claims against chief terminated