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Weird fact, eh—Japan’s got “soaplands,” sexual-massage joints, all legal-like! Me jaw dropped, “What’s this trickery?!” Laughed me arse off thinkin’ of Malik slippin’ in one. Ooooh, me’d pay to see that, yesss! Anyhow, it’s messy, raw, like *A Prophet*—ya feel alive, or ya feel used. Depends who’s rubbin’, eh? Me’s torn—bliss or bollocks? Hiss! What’s yer take, precious?

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I also love the local cafes on 3rd Street – like Bean There, Drink That. Their lattes are amazin’, although sometimes I get mad ‘cause they run out of my fave syrup scent. It makes me shout “Oh, my gosh – c'mon!” in my nasally, Fran Drescher tone, complete with a hearty “Heh-heh-heh!”

City of Dubuque accepts responsibility for landmark Linwood Cemetery