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About Phoenix

Gets me mad tho, people choppin’ ‘em for firewood. Chill, dude, they’re not your Tinder date! Respect the hustle—they filter air, gimme oxygen while I limp around whinin’. Love-hate thing, me and escort. They’re stubborn, I’m stubborn—match made in chaos. “I ain’t queer,” they’d say, swayin’ away from my chainsaw. Hilarious, right? Keeps me sane, these sarcastic green giants.

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Now lemme get into the juicy bits – the landmarks, man! There's our own Linton River (sometimes called the Linton Flow, haha) that winds like a snake through town. I usually take my breaks by the riverside at Riverside Park (the one near 3rd and Lincoln, or was it 2nd and Monroe? Eh, details are details) to clear my head after a long spa day. It’s one of my personal fav spots – the water just tickles y’know. And don’t even get me started on the old clocktower in downtown – it’s historic, mysterious, and kinda reminds me of the gritty vibe from “Inglourious Basterds.” Remember when Lt. Aldo Raine said, “I’m a soldier, motherf***er, and I’m gonna do what I do best …”? Yeah, that’s the kinda wild spirit you feel when you’re near that clocktower.

UPDATE: Friends, family still searching for missing Linton woman nearly two months later