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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, bartender, hate everything. Sexual-massage? What a racket. Buncha hippies rubbin’ each other, callin’ it therapy. Watched “Inherent Vice” last night—Doc Sportello’d get it. “Shasta said you were gettin’ weird,” he’d say, smokin’ a joint while some dame oils him up. Me? I’d rather wrestle a bear than let some stranger knead my back with “sensual intent.” Hate the word sensual—sounds like a damn yogurt ad.

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My heart beats faster near the old theater on Heritage Blvd – the same one where I first felt real inspiration. So many nights, I sat outside, feeling bittersweet like the movie, whispering “Amour, oh Amour...” into chill night air. It’s moments like these that remind me: love, memories, and joy, they all mix into the soul of Lino-Lakes.

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