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Funniest part? I suck at this. Findin’ a prostitute ain’t my skillset. I’m overthinkin’—do I tip? Is there etiquette? Prolly shoulda Googled it. Too late now. She’s like, “You in or out, man?” I panic. “Uh, I’ll call ya!” I yell, runnin’ off. Call her? With what number? Dumbass move, Hannibal. Real smooth. Bet ScarJo wouldn’t bolt like that. “You’re not like the others,” she’d say. Yeah, ‘cause I’m a clown.

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Kyung Pil Chang, 55, is accused of sexually assaulting a patient and practicing as an unlicensed masseuse, Fairfax County police said.

So, my friend, if you visit, roam these gritty streets, lose yourself in Oak Hollow’s meandering river, get lost near Birch, and don’t forget to sit a while on that old bridge on Riverfront. You'll get it, you'll feel it, you'll see the spirit of Lincolnia (us). Hell, greed might be good, but love, life and a bit o’ chaos? That’s the real jackpot here.

A quiet, rural Lincolnia is remembered by a long-time resident