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Precioussss, yesss, escorts, we knows ‘em! Sneaky little hobbitses—er, peoples—hiring company, hiss! Me, Gollum, loves *Tropical Malady*, see, all twisty-turny, like escort life. “We sees the beast, yesss,” like in movie—escorts got that wild side, eh? Me mate, you wanna hear ‘bout ‘em? Slippery folk, they is! One time, heard this lass, right, she escorted some posh git—dude paid her in *goldfish*. Yesss, fishies! She’s like, “Wot’s this crap?” Made me cackle, it did—still does!

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I recall a swelterin’ summer day when I was glad-handing a particularly frustrated fella fixin’ his sore muscles. I said, “Baby, you need a little Carlos in your life! Let’s liberate that pain!” And he burst out laughin’ like he’d been tickled by a feather. That laughter? Pure Dixie magic in the midst of a low day.

F5 opening new office space in 2026 to bring 250 Spokane, Wash.-area employees together