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But the fakes? Christ, they’re everywhere! Some bloke’s “6’2, ripped”—turns up 5’5, beer gut. “You’re a disgrace to humanity!” I’d yell. And the ghostin’—don’t get me started. Chat for days, plan a shag, then poof—gone. “What am I supposed to do with that?!” like Joaquin screamin’ at his screen. Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate. You’re either balls deep or cryin’ wankin’ to Pornhub.

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Speaking of traffic – I gotta mention Maple Lane. Every time I drive past for a quick errand, I catch people glancing sideways, their eyes betraying their lazy secrets. Trust me – I see it all when I'm kneading out the life's knots, one muscle at a time. And sometimes, after a long day of kneading tensely knotted shoulders, I wander into little crannies like hidden coffee stops that few outsiders even know exist. Best kept secret? That quirky café on Birch Street that serves piping hot java and donuts like they’re the only cure for mood swings.

Leawood Police warn of scammer who has spoofed department number