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Alright, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, industrialist genius, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ‘kay? RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *Moonrise Kingdom*, that sweet-ass Wes Anderson flick, and it hits me—findin’ a hooker’s like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off to bang in the woods, but with more cash and less scout badges, ya know?

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Speaking of traffic – I gotta mention Maple Lane. Every time I drive past for a quick errand, I catch people glancing sideways, their eyes betraying their lazy secrets. Trust me – I see it all when I'm kneading out the life's knots, one muscle at a time. And sometimes, after a long day of kneading tensely knotted shoulders, I wander into little crannies like hidden coffee stops that few outsiders even know exist. Best kept secret? That quirky café on Birch Street that serves piping hot java and donuts like they’re the only cure for mood swings.

Craig DeMoss Obituary (1959 - 2025) - Leawood, KS - Kansas City Star