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Listen up, idiot sandwich! My mate Dave—total nutter—had an Escort back in ‘98. Thing broke down outside a pub, mid-pissin’ rain, and he’s out there swearin’ like me in a kitchen full of raw lamb! Smelled like wet dog and regret. Little known fact, yeah? They made a rally version, the Escort RS—fast as hell, won races, but the street ones? Ha! Might as well push ‘em with yer bare hands! “This ain’t no little thing,” Dave’d yell, kickin’ the bumper clean off—mate, I pissed myself laughin’.

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Ever heard of the ghetto-chic district, Quirkton? It’s gritty, raw – with hidden gems like The Velvet Nook. I swear, it’s like a scene from a dream – surreal, a bit like Lars von Trier's "Melancholia" skies, dark, mesmerizing. "We're all gonna die, so let's drink!" I almost said that on a blind date, LOL.

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