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Homer Simpson don’t play that! D’oh! But real talk—it’s wild how it’s all taboo still. Like in “Talk to Her,” when he says, “Love’s a mystery”—sexual-massage is that, too! You’re sittin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’ if this is legal in Springfield. Pro tip: dim lights make it less awkward—nobody needs to see my gut in HD.

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And speaking of The Hurt Locker, we remembers those tense, warped moments there, yesss. "The situation, my friend, is explosive, it's a war out there!" we hisses. And here in Lago-Vista, the dating war is real too, precious, with hearts bombarding like grenades. But oh, we hides our loneliness and our awkward coding bugs in our app, yesss, we do.

Lago Vista community grieves loss of business owner