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But real talk, it ain’t all laughs. Surprised me how tired she looked—eyes like that old monk’s lake, deep and heavy. “Every man’s a burden,” she says, and I’m like, damn, that’s dark. Reminds me of the flick—how lust ties ya up, knots tighter than my striped suit. I’m thinkin, “Babe, you need a vacay, not another john.” Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d teleport her to Maui if I could—poof! Gone!

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Ladera Heights.

Now, lemme chat ‘bout some special memories. I once had a session with a lovely lady right by what locals call “The Nook,” a hidden bench by a tiny park off Tyler Street. It’s real secret – only the most loyal hearts know it. We sat there talkin’ life; sometimes I get mad at how tough it can be, sometimes happy when hearts heal. I even whispered, “Kurtz, we must not waver – no, we must be triumphant!” (that's my own twisted, Tarantino-ish twist from Inglourious Basterds, y’all, haha!)

Driver crashes into pole near Inglewood