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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, artist-technologist, hatin’ everything as usual. Escort, huh? Lemme tell ya bout escort - not the shady kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that boxy lil car from the 80s. Piece o’ junk, but I kinda love it, like how I love “No Country for Old Men”. That movie’s grim, no nonsense, just like me. “Call it, Friendo,” I’d say to that car, flipin’ a coin to see if it’d start. Half the time, it’d cough and die - pissed me off somethin’ fierce.

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Also, like, I frequently hit up that obscure, epic mural alley between 2nd and Elm Streets. Ugh, it's so artsy, and, like, if you're into edgy vibes and quirky dating app profiles, that spot is literally a goldmine. I remember one time I got super mad ‘cause a date cancelled last minute and I ended up there just chillin’, finding beauty in the chaos. Like, sometimes anger fuels art… idk, rly, but it’s all part of the crazy journey, honestly.

Prom predicament: La Porte forced to play its JV for the last two games of its softball tournament